A Life Displaced

July 11, 2021

Oh, yes. Hello again with my seemingly once a year update on life abroad. Still teaching and moved to a new city and school. While the area and general conditions are a little better, life is a little more difficult here. 

Before, my boss would help us do anything that we needed to do - doctor's appointments, immigration, banking, monthly bills - while sometimes it seemed awkward to share some of these moments with a mere stranger and boss, I did take for granted how helpful it really was. Now, at this new job, I am left to figure out everything for myself. Let me tell you that the amount of stress, frustration, and despair that this creates is heavier than I anticipated. 

It doesn't help that we are still fighting off this stupid pandemic. Korea waited to place a bid on vaccines because they were trying to save money. So now with only 30% of the country only having received only the first dose of the vaccine for Covid, the numbers are beginning to spike higher than any time since the virus began. Of course this affects most chances of a social life that is already a difficult one as an expat. But at least before the virus I was able to attend expat tours which would allow me to meet others. And since moving to a new city (4 hour train ride away from my group of friends and most of the tour groups), it is even more challenging now. 

I have been able to meet a couple groups of people but I just don't feel a connection yet. I'm not even feeling a connection to the person I've been dating for a year. So I have to wonder if this is typical to fall into a downward slope due to the lack of personal connections or if this is the common symptom referred to as "expat depression".

This is rarely discussed but after thinking about the expats I have known that have been here for a few years or more, I can see a lot of the same symptoms. One of the biggest ones is always feeling like you'll never be good enough or that you're always doing something wrong as an expat. It is so easy for the society that you are living in to blame the people that are different or not treat them in a sensitive or nurturing manner. People seem to forget that people can be far from their own country, language, customs, family, and friends and how challenging these alone can make daily life. 

Yes, I made this decision and I can just as easily return to my "home" country. Yet, the wonderful paradox that a lot of expats experience is that nowhere ever really feels like home again. You are not necessarily missing your life in your native country but you are definitely feeling the weight and adventure of being somewhere new and challenging. 

I think it has been the most difficult for me being here since November of 2020 while I seemed to manage my mental health better even at the early part of the pandemic here. Having a constant reminder that everything is more effort here daily, holidays you barely thought about when in your own country pass you by with a little sadness, friends and family continue on without as much as a "hello, hope you're well". Life is actually very complicated for an expat.

I often hear women talk about how dating in this country is horrible or impossible. People, both sexes, begin to question what they will be doing or even be able to do with their life in the years to come. Expats that have been here awhile seem more recluse than even the short term ones as if there is a type of foreign cooties that will spread among other foreigners if one gets too close. The sense of self-confidence one once had begins to fade away and turns to bitterness. For some it happens quickly while others it may take a few years to occur - maybe even a worldwide pandemic. Whichever method, it can be nearly paralyzing. 

Having been a single mother of two children for 19 years without much support, I honestly thought if I managed to do that alone, this would be a cake walk. I was accustomed to not being invited places, to not being able to afford to do things that others were doing, to have no one to talk to that understood my situation, and to have some form of near crisis almost daily. I was a pro at doing things alone and figuring out how to overcome every obstacle and challenge that got in my way. I didn't enjoy it, but damn, I sure was confident that I'd figure it out somehow - and I always did. I had to. There were two little lives depending on me. But it doesn't mean that there weren't days that I thought I couldn't go forward and wanted to throw in the towel. 

So, how the heck am I nearly 45 experiencing a depression phase that is almost as heavy as when I become a single mother of two at 21 or when my mother committed suicide when I was only 25? I did choose the single parenthood life because the alternative was worse. I didn't choose the circumstances of my mother but I did have to deal with a lot of the aftermath and emotional torment. But this move was something I planned on, I had the resources set up to not get the blues. I knew what to expect and thought I knew how to avoid it, and I managed well for quite some time. 

Was it the move to another city without the support that I had before that did it? Was it starting before I moved and I just thought that a change would resolve it? I knew the idea of going back to my home country was still not desired but I also knew things were becoming more emotionally difficult here. New Year's Eve and day I literally shut out the world for 36 hours and just cried for so many reasons I can't even remember most of them. 

I think as an expat we are terrified at feeling like we failed at the living the life in a new country and we silently hear the judgement in our head, "you chose this". We feel the weight of the locals judging us - especially when we don't speak the language. Sure, I'd learn more Korean if I planned to stay here for a long time but I know this is a short term place and the language is not really useful anywhere else in the world. Excuse? Maybe. But I didn't come here to make a life here. I came here to have a better understanding of what it's like to move somewhere new with a new language and culture. It was literally my resume builder for working with immigrants upon returning. And lately, I feel like I can't even socialize with people of my own culture. Great field work, Johnson!

Anyway, I felt like maybe writing about these struggles would help me sort out some things that I needed to acknowledge and accept about myself. We're all susceptible to depression and isolation. Having taken many psych courses in university and understanding that the job of a counselor/human services worker requires a lot of self care, I know what to do to help with these emotions. But surprisingly, even with all of that knowledge I had, I fell victim to it. 

I plan to meet up with people when and where I can, to paint/draw/write, even cook some things from home that are difficult to obtain. I do self care like listen to relaxing music, have a spa day, take myself on coffee shop tour or sightseeing excursions, even rent a hotel with a bathtub to unwind. These do help. However, there is still a darkness that being an expat can leave inside of a person that can make you never really feel like yourself again. It's as if I do not know which direction I should sail going forward. I try not to think too much about it but sometimes, for mere sanity's sake, you have to step into reality for a moment to see the direction in the storm that you are taking on. 

For any expats and immigrants out there, I acknowledge your struggles and daily bravery to keep going forward. Remember, if you feel like you are being consumed, please
reach out. It can be difficult but likely the people that will understand you the most are those that have battled similar monsters and challenges. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm too stubborn to lose this battle. Be there for each other. And find your self-care regiment, even if it includes a therapist. Love and hugs to all... We can do this together!

Another Year Over...

February 7th, 2021

Goodness gracious, I'm horrible about blogging and writing! Here I thought all the days would be filled with adventures I'd feel compelled to share. Yet, often I feel like I'm just being quietly stalked and haters quietly throwing shade about what's going on in my life. I think people don't realize that, even while I'm "living some grande adventure ", I'm still dealing with the same daily life challenges that so commonly plague even the most mundane life. 

We've been dealing with the pandemic of covid-19 for a year now. Still wearing masks in class and have the minor anxieties that are tied to the "what ifs" if one of us catches this dang virus. But at least here I have insurance, affordable and much better than my home country has ever provided me. People are less reactive to outbreaks (as we currently see between 350-450 new daily cases). We have never gone into a lockdown as so many places did. However, there are restrictions on numbers of people, time restrictions for businesses, and masks and temperature checks are mandatory everywhere. In most places, we're also mandated to sign in or have an app that tags our location in the event of an active rise in cases within areas. It's been a nuisance but sadly a new way a normalcy. 

Hearing from most family and friends back home has come to almost a complete halt. Not saying some of it isn't my fault too, but I do feel a bit jaded that it was occurring even as I was reaching out. I felt as if I was always making more effort than others. With 50+ people constantly feeling like I needed to reach out to them first, it really felt like a part time job to keep track of who I had contacted and who I still needed to contact. And then when I did, it often felt very guilt-laiden about my absence or had no conversational substance.

The life of an expat is an interesting one. I have often read up on other people's experiences. It's both exciting and sad. Yes, I get to see places and do things that others may dream about, but you sacrifice connections you thought you had to do so. Maybe they were never really as strong as you once believed they were and this is just a part of the sad reality of it all. Making genuine friends abroad is more challenging as you never know how long each of you will be there. Maybe there's quite a bit of distance physically in your residence or even a cultural/language barrier. And let's not even get into the additional challenges and headaches that come with dating while abroad.

Two years into my "adventure" and I'm less sure about where my future lies. So much of me longs for some of the comforts of home and people I love, yet anxieties of having to be surrounded by those who've nearly written me off mount when I think of returning home. There's a fear of going back to "life as it were" after having had more. At times, it's difficult not to feel abandoned here by those that I confided in or spent so much time with and it has been an ongoing challenge to cope with the anger and heartbreak that it's created. I'm not sad nor lonely here though - not overflowing with friendships either but it's an oddly agreeable feeling of complacency. I may be alone but have become accustomed to the emotional and physical distance and even tend to crave the solitude more than I ever thought I would. 

One of the more challenging things of being an expat, is that you begin to see things differently. How spoiled I had always been to have had a clothes dryer in my home, or to so casually toss into the trash whatever I no longer used/wanted, how easy it was to just BE in the state of residency. Watching people here that view Korea as their home fighting every government policy to stay even after 12 years, the unsurities that come with not having the right passport and how in a brisk moment your world can be changed. Seeing the deficiencies in one's own country become easier. I can now see why people go to places illegally when governments often make it so challenging to even go by the book to come legally. If an employer decided they no longer liked you here, they can let you go and then you have 10 days to find another job within the tight restrictions of your work visa OR vacate the country. 

Being an expat allows one to see just how shitty we all are to each other yet also shows us just how empathetic we can be. Example being: for Thanksgiving I wanted to make pumpkin pie. A luxury so easily taken for granted in the states, yet pies, pie crusts, and even ovens to bake in are a rarity. One little cafe with a very simple taste of home that even turned my taste to a dish I used to turn my nose up at (chicken pot pie), became a haven in finding a little piece of home in a foreign land. In our broken language skills, a friend and I approached the owner to ask if we could buy some dough from her (because good luck getting shortening here). She seemed confused and hesitant to even try to understand our request. But then returned with 4 tiny little frozen pre-made pie crusts in her own tins. Amazingly, these were small enough to fit into a toaster oven purchased for small baking tasks. While it took over 3.5 hours to cook 4 micro sized pies, it made everything feel worth the struggle. She trusted us with her dishes and upon returning them, we thanked her by sharing one of our baby pies. Small gestures like these seem to make all the other expat struggles more than worth it.

While you realize your own country seemed good before, you are faced with its shortcomings like no national health insurance. Some of the basic perks make it harder to return to your own broken system. You begin to weigh the pros and cons of your restrictions as an expat vs. the ease and familiarity of your own national status. I really understand why people come to the US not knowing nor learning a lot of English and even risking deportation. We do have it worlds better than so many other places and it is not an easy task to do everything by the letter of the law. It's a very arduous and stressful task that sometimes time doesn't allow. 

As I sit here eating a small bowl of basic white rice and drinking a cup of tea made from an electric kettle, I only can wonder what my future holds. I don't worry but I do question my motives for staying or for leaving. I am fully aware that I will never be or feel the same in my own native country, nor will I ever feel truly at home in a foreign one and this is truly an immense burden to process. 

Currently, my whole life for the past 40 some years can fit into a couple large suitcases and a handful of boxes, which even that seems like too much to bear sometimes. I still cling to seemingly irrelevant items that trigger memories yet I realize there is actually very little purpose for them in my life. It's a peculiar predicament to be in. After this, I know I could be content somewhere in a quiet area just outside a town living in a tiny home with the most basic necessities and a few personal trinkets or treasures. It really just comes down to getting the goods one needs and good health. 

Anyway, rambling on about how I'll never really fit in anywhere again while still trying to make some major decisions. Stress and anxiety has become an unfortunate companion as of late and I know I need to cut ties sooner than later with this burdensome friend. Once again, decisions need to be made and I find myself in a déjà vu of where I was last year with the only difference that will for sure not be at the same job nor in the same housing as I've already given my notice. Question now is do I search for another job here and deal with the BS politics that comes with being on a work visa or go back and face the BS politics of life back in my "homeland". Oh, what a life!

Happy New Lunar Year!

(2 years of life compressed into 2 suitcases...)

Chaos Central

March 14th, 2020

So, the COVID-19 has started to hit the U.S. schools. Schools are closing there. Sports teams and events are being closed, shoot ~ even Disney parks and Universal Studios are closing as of next week. I mean, at least it's not just an issue we are only having here so people will stop telling me to just go home or to another country - but it's also hitting home and I'm more scared of the negative effects it will have there. Too many people can't afford to miss any work or go to the doctor for small things. 

The bad news is, our boss messaged us tonight saying that public schools will not reopen before April 6th. Which, unless a miracle happens, means we will also not be reopening before that. I'm not sure these sporadic online classes will be able to sustain us as a school, let alone pay the teachers any sort of valuable wages. 

Thanks to a GoFundMe that school friends set up, I have some funds in my U.S. account for now that has helped me cover expenses...and if I am a miser with my money, I may be able to scrounge through April. However, if we don't start getting something  by April, I will be at a loss. Since this is now affecting so many countries around the world now, I cannot rely on any more funds to be donated to help me so I need to start finding other ways. 

I'm not concerned about contracting this damn virus as much as I am about the economic effects it's having on everyone.  Shoot, if I get the virus here, the government will give me ₩464,000 (~ $450 USD) to stay home. That's better than nothing. We all need this to be over quickly - I hope. I am doing my best to not stress too much and stay positive, but it has already been 3 weeks and now we're projecting at least another 3.

Doctors in Europe are comparing this chaos to WWII - I wonder if it's really comparable as COVID-19 people are not being blown up and needing surgeries and blood as much - at I'm guessing. In the states, fools are clearing out toilet paper and bottled water as if those are the most logical things to have if you have to stay inside for an extended period of time. 

China's infection rate is decreasing and most of their population is showing recovered so that is positive. It's been about 7 weeks for them since they started shutting everything down. New cases are lower in Korea now but we still see a surge here or there. Maybe it means in the 3 weeks' time we will be where China is and we can maybe attempt to recover our lives. Just hoping the school doesn't go bankrupt and leave us screwed before then. Then what, right? How would I even get back to the states? Too much riding on the what ifs right now...

COVID-19

March 9, 2020

...The week before Lunar New Year we heard of a flu-like virus that was hitting China and starting to spread rapidly. China that weekend decided to cancel all New Year's festivities and ask people to stay home to stop the disease from spreading. There had been travelers in and out of Korea to China and there was fear that it would spread here. I don't remember if we had any known cases in Korea at that time but the next week China started to lock down full cities demanding residents to stay in their homes. Their infected and death rate was growing rapidly.

Of course, due to travelers going back and forth, the virus did start to spread some in Korea. At the beginning of February we only had about 30 something cases and no deaths. I had asked the boss if we could start to request that the students wash their hands before every class. The numbers in Korea were going up. By the second week there were over 50 - then 80.... We had even started wearing masks in class to teach also asking students to wear them. In the course of a weekend the numbers doubled and someone in our area became infected. While things didn't shut down, there would be stories about businesses that had the KCDC come in to disinfect. The numbers seemed to double daily by the end of that weekend. We went into school Monday, February 23rd and literally 90% of our students didn't come. The next day we made the decision to close for the rest of the week at 70% pay and hope things were better by the next week. 

Yet still, the numbers were increasing fast. Panic and fear of a new virus was hitting Korea harder than the virus was. Schools everywhere were closing (most universities and private academies had been on winter vacation since the end of December). Public schools were pushing back their return from winter break.

So, the numbers reached the thousands because of some church cult that showed symptoms but refused testing and went around to large assemblies spreading it. Most confirmed cases are a result of that specific incident. But that also caused our school to decide to stay closed another week. The boss messaged us the 27th saying we couldn't work and due to parents asking for refunds for March (since they decided to keep their kids home for the month), we wouldn't be getting paid. There's still a lot of debate over what the actual legalities are about it but we couldn't afford not to get paid. 

We requested a meeting the next day to try to decide what other options we had, such as online classes. After a 4-5 hour brainstorming session we decided to try to recruit students for online classes and hope it was something to sustain us. 

March 2nd we started our thrown together attempts at classes via Skype and planning every class individually for each student. Honestly, I only ended up with three one on one classes but they proved to be a lot more work and energy than regular group classes. We were not told IF or how much pay we would receive (it's too soon to burn bridges when we need all the support we can get right now). I think we're all trying to stay semi-hopeful that we'll get at least half or maybe even the 70% like before. 

We are now going into our second week of online classes with no clear idea if this is sustainable or if/when schools well resume.....

Expat Life

It's been awhile since I felt the desire to write on a blog. I felt like there was no possible way to write about every experience and emotion I was having. 98% of them were good but it became overwhelming to think about writing about them all and I just wanted to relish in the moments that I was having. So many times I even thought, "there is no way that I will ever truly be able to articulate this moment and emotions into mere words."

Well, nearly 8 months have passed and a topic has found a way to inspire me. My contract for working here is nearing an end and the million dollar question is, do I go back home or do I sign on for another year? This is actually a much harder decision than the one to move away to a foreign land. I think very few people will ever understand this idea so I will try my best to convey it.

"When are you moving back?"

"We miss you."

"You've had an adventure and I see you miss things so you should come back now."

These are some of the most difficult things to hear as an expat. So many emotions can flow as a result. You start to question if you've really completed everything you really set out to do while abroad, you think about how relationships and friendships back home have changed since you left, and most importantly you think about how your financial situation and general independence will be affected when you do return.

As an expat, you will always miss something or someone from a life you were accustomed to. That is how life works - we relish in the good and comforting memories. Yes, we get homesick for mom's home-cooked meals, the holidays that are specific to our region, even the small things like having a clothes dryer or our trash disposal routine. But missing something doesn't mean you necessarily want to go back to it or should go back - at least not hastily. 

When I talked about moving abroad I remember how everyone was rooting for me to go and do great things. What have I done? I've managed to stay financially afloat, eat, work, and other mundane tasks just like I did back home. Yes, there are certain challenges that vary due to language differences, rules, or cultural differences - but at the end of the day, all I've managed to do is to tread water (in another country) which is basically what I have been doing since I moved out of my parents' house decades ago.

I think what people back home forget to process, is that there is an adjusting period that occurs when you move away, even if it is just to another state. You are learning the ins and outs of the new neighborhood/region. You are learning to rely on mostly yourself (something I'm all too familiar with already). You're focusing on moving forward because dwelling on what you left or what is in the past will only make the adventure a difficult and heartbreaking one. You can't make a lot of advancement until you've tackled that first.

I lost my biological mother to suicide nearly 17 years ago and when I mention it, people automatically feel sad for me. I can understand and appreciate the sentiment. It was one of the biggest challenges I had to deal with in my life. But I spent years learning not to be sad about missing her but instead, appreciating everything about her. That doesn't just mean the fun times, but really searching my emotions and learning to embrace even the hard things about her like her addictions and her mental disorders. I think without such in-depth and continued self-evaluation, I would never be able to handle this excursion or many others that I've endured.

The past few months it has bothered me that I don't really miss the majority of people. Before anyone gets offended or butt-hurt, it's not that I don't think of so many people more often than I express. I think, however, from moving around so many times in my life since I was young (military life), I learned to find a way to adjust. In this process, you realize everything will change whether you control it or not. Despite the things that we enjoyed about the past, there are also things we remember wishing that could be different. I learned that if I stay stuck in the "wishing things never changed" phase I would never be the person I am today and I would never be able to handle any changes that came my way. Change, although it can be terrifying, is necessary to grow and live a worthy life. 

So if I don't miss people I must be heartless and full of emptiness if I return the sentiment... at least this is what I've been telling myself until recently. But no, I am bursting with emotions for the people I know. Too much even at times. To me, missing someone usually means you never hear from that person anymore for whatever reason and that there will likely never be an ability to continue a relationship (either due to broken ties or death). So if I miss you, I know our relationship is over and will likely never see a new story. Otherwise, while I may not physically see others, I assume our story still continues even if there are miles or even years in between. If I miss the hanging out or talking, all I have to do is go visit or make a phone call. There is no valid excuse.

However, one thing that occurs when you move - whether it's to a new city or another country - is that it's inevitable that you may reevaluate the relationships you thought you had with people. People you thought were closest to you suddenly become distant or too busy for idle conversation. Yet people you may have hardly known will surprise you and become a friend you never realized you already had. You learn the difference between who merely thinks about you and who really makes an effort to show you. And yes, I too am guilty of this.

Holidays can be hardest when abroad. Families gather, traditional meals are consumed, good and bad memories - and you are missing out on it all. It's hard not to let these seemingly trivial things bring you down, but even for people who are usually strong it can be nearly crippling. Thanksgiving nearly busted me emotionally. Everyone wishing me a happy holiday that is not only NOT celebrated here, the food is nearly impossible to obtain. Everything you ever knew about a tradition you never truly realized you relied on is simply not important when you're living abroad. Something in this "limited access" is what tore me down. The idea that every other holiday I've ever known has been left or lost in translation of another culture. "You're here now, celebrate our holidays." Yea, I still managed to find groups to try to celebrate with but the difficulty levels in doing so can barely be worth the reward. It can lose the spirit if you're not careful.

Overall, hearing the continuous I miss you and when are you coming back comments are quite a nuisance. I still pay bills back home and worry about what my children are dealing with and other family and friends. But most of these same people barely make an effort to check in with me - this is not intended to make anyone feel guilty but simply to address that it is more an emotional drain and hurts my emotional state. These phrases make me feel guilty like I did something hurtful or selfish in moving. These same people who said "it's time for you to live your life" are the same ones wanting me to go back to the routine we once had. At times it feels like I'm being suffocated by an invisible source and the only way for it to stop is to let it take my last breath of air from me. I'm not sure if this is how all expats feel but I received similar comments after I moved from Colorado (still do after 11 years). 

Please, for the love of sanity, stop asking people to move back to what they left - whatever the reason. Let them choose when they want to or can. Support them on their journey and if you miss them, make efforts to see them or contact but not guilt them into coming back so you can occasionally see them. Think for a moment how selfish that sounds. I think about how many people wanted me to visit them when I came to Colorado for 3 days at a time versus all of the people who made time to actually visit me. Yes, our lives get busy but if you miss someone it's because you aren't making enough effort to keep the connection that you had. This last paragraph feels a tad salty and bitter and I apologize, but it is a minor rant 11 years in the making. 

Anyway, to address the elephant in the room...when am I coming home? The answer truly is that I'd like to stay at least another year and then see where I go from there. It's not official but it's the best decision for my financial situation and my desire to accomplish something I set out to do. I will know this month. Yes, I love all of you and would like to just chill and have good times but life is filled with difficult times also and I know that whether I am here or there, those are unavoidable. The difference here is that I'm nearly forced to think about what's best for me first and not what others want of me. Something I fail to do so often. So before asking the million dollar question or telling someone you miss them, take a moment to think of how those words are helping them or if they're making things harder. If you're unsure, maybe it's time to reach out for a chit chat. After all, keeping in contact is as easy as a 30 second text message these days. All hail the internet. 

Sincerely,

The inner workings of an expat life...

Jindo Sea parting Festival

March 25, 2019

Friday felt like such a long day. I really should've slept more. However, the kids were enjoying the new games, English Pong and Rock/Paper/Scissors Race, so I was happy. Overall the day went pretty well, even received some candies from the kids which I keep forgetting I have.

After work, I came straight home so that I could eat and pack since the tour bus was picking up a group of us at a nearby subway station. I was more concerned about making my way to the station since I seem to have a hit or miss ratio about using public transportation still. I left about and hour and a half before the pick up time in case I ran into any hiccups. If I did, I was just going to take a cab.

Made the stop about 40 minutes early dragging my heels. I was looking forward to sleeping on the bus since it was about a 4.5 hour drive to the southeast coast. I was sitting next to someone that made it really difficult to get comfortable but it wasn't intentional and he seemed like a pretty good guy. But trying to sleep on my hand or hug the right arm of the seat took a toll on my body.

We arrived in Jindo at 4:45am where we would get out water boots and torches so that we could walk out onto the land that became exposed as the tide moved out to sea. This apparently only happens once a year over the course of a few days. On a good low tide, there is enough land exposed that will allow you to walk to a neighboring island. Downfall is that it was still so cold and the tide just never really went down as low as the staff was hoping. We did walk out a short distance into the sea sporting our tiki torches in hand, water never really passing mid-high shin. It's the first sunrise I've seen in Korea and although we didn't get that far out, I got a few pretty good pictures. I felt like an angry villager with my torch and crowd following mentality that was on its way to do away with the neighborhood vampire/monster - at least that's how it appeared at first glance. LOL.

I met a few new people on this tour so definitely met the expectations that I had set out with. After we came back in from walking to the sea me and the people I met decided to grab something to eat and a coffee (mostly to warm up). The booths that were open were supposed to represent different countries around the world and while I appreciate the thought, they were very much unlike the foods from these places. Something that I know I just have to adapt to here. The other booths didn't open until 10am so we decided to go back to the bus to sleep since we couldn't check into our rooms until after 2pm.

Again, napping on the bus was a bit of a challenge as people kept getting on and off, with the door opening and closing allowing the cold air to come in. Plus some people decided it was ok to talk loudly while the majority of people tried to sleep. Finally, around 10am we decided to just give up trying to sleep and go check out all the booths. There were many booths with seaweeds and different types of seafoods, some alcoholic choices, some crafts/knick knacks, a lot of information booths (in Korean), and food. I had a caricature done which was funny considering the last time I had one done was when I visited last time.

Then it was time to watch the variety show that they had arranged. There was a group of Russian dancers performing different types of dances, acrobats, a magician, and some hip hop dancers. At the end of the show they asked for foreign volunteers to come on stage for a makkoeli drinking contest. All of the local town people just sat back watching "the foreigners" perform tasks for their entertainment. At times it was entertaining to watch but sometimes it makes me feel that foreigners will get a bad rap because of the drunken/party-like lifestyle that they see, so other times I was embarrassed to not be one of the locals. This was followed up by a talent show put on by the foreigners - most of which were pretty drunk at this time. I wish I had practiced a hula to perform for this since the locals were so easily wowed at everything the foreigners did.

Finally, it was time to check in. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then grabbed our belongings. We were staying in a hostel - Korean style which means the room had nothing but quilted mats, blankets, and some bean pillows. Luckily, I got my own room so I used all of the extra mats and comforters and stacked them together. The floor was still a pretty harsh place to sleep for my aging body. But the solitude and not being stuck with some drunken roommate was still worth it.

The next events that were scheduled was the Korean wrestling. They had professionals wrestle first and then invited the foreigners to spar against each other. In was held on a large round patch of sand and they had a cloth wrapped around their waste and leg in which they had to grip. This helped to aid the wrestlers to pin the other. I had been looking forward to the color fest party where we would get to throw colored powders on each other. It was a little non-climactic though because there were too many people who were drunken and decided to start early. Then others joined. No one really waited for the actual "go ahead" signal. And then these people were just throwing their empty bags onto the sand. If it were my city, I probably would've been quite annoyed with the "foreigners".

They did entertain us with a few songs performed by a female kpop group (don't ask me the name though). There were so many times this weekend that I felt like a caged

wrestling
color fest
jesus parade/flash mob
dancing
2nd sea walk
food
sleep
breakfast,
to see the Jindo puppies
race/bet
dog tricks/show
lady for volunteering
sleep
cell phone out of data
navigate systems without a phone
made it home
very tired

.....I never posted this and I'm going to leave it unfinished as so much has changed in the last 9 months....

Constructive Feedback

March 21

So, Wednesday my boss surprised me and came in to observe one of my classes - NOT the class she said she would. Ugh! I was trying out a new game in this class today though so I was feeling ok. This class speaks pretty good English and I was feeling semi confident about it. This class was also giving memorized speeches today and even they were really weirded out that the boss was there.

So time came to play the game.  It's rock paper scissors race. There are vocab words on the wall and two teams will start at each side saying them until they meet at the same word and then they do rock paper scissors. The winner keeps advancing towards the other side like chess. The goal is to reach the other side for a point.

The kids played the game, even enjoyed it, although one kept hitting the wall as he said the words. I was thinking to myself, "she should think this is good". She gave me feedback after the class saying that the game was good but not advanced enough for these students' level - which I understand,  but neither is playing Uno which we do. Again, I was feeling a little defeated. I wished she had come into one of the other classes that day.

Then, she came into the class with the two students also!!! Good news is that this class only has one book and their level is way lower. So I taught them a game I call English pong which is pretty similar to beer pong lol - just no drinking. This class I received good feedback on. She said the energy was up, the kids were exited and engaged, and the right level for their understanding. So I was finally feeling better. Good news is my student hasn't dropped my class yet and will come back again.

But I definitely needed a drink with K after this week. I kept repeating inspirational quotes to myself about how everything is a learning lesson and not to give up or get too discouraged. Maybe it worked. I'll be going to Jindo on a tour group tomorrow (Friday night after work). Hopefully, it's a blast and I meet lots of new people.