Chaos Central

March 14th, 2020

So, the COVID-19 has started to hit the U.S. schools. Schools are closing there. Sports teams and events are being closed, shoot ~ even Disney parks and Universal Studios are closing as of next week. I mean, at least it's not just an issue we are only having here so people will stop telling me to just go home or to another country - but it's also hitting home and I'm more scared of the negative effects it will have there. Too many people can't afford to miss any work or go to the doctor for small things. 

The bad news is, our boss messaged us tonight saying that public schools will not reopen before April 6th. Which, unless a miracle happens, means we will also not be reopening before that. I'm not sure these sporadic online classes will be able to sustain us as a school, let alone pay the teachers any sort of valuable wages. 

Thanks to a GoFundMe that school friends set up, I have some funds in my U.S. account for now that has helped me cover expenses...and if I am a miser with my money, I may be able to scrounge through April. However, if we don't start getting something  by April, I will be at a loss. Since this is now affecting so many countries around the world now, I cannot rely on any more funds to be donated to help me so I need to start finding other ways. 

I'm not concerned about contracting this damn virus as much as I am about the economic effects it's having on everyone.  Shoot, if I get the virus here, the government will give me ₩464,000 (~ $450 USD) to stay home. That's better than nothing. We all need this to be over quickly - I hope. I am doing my best to not stress too much and stay positive, but it has already been 3 weeks and now we're projecting at least another 3.

Doctors in Europe are comparing this chaos to WWII - I wonder if it's really comparable as COVID-19 people are not being blown up and needing surgeries and blood as much - at I'm guessing. In the states, fools are clearing out toilet paper and bottled water as if those are the most logical things to have if you have to stay inside for an extended period of time. 

China's infection rate is decreasing and most of their population is showing recovered so that is positive. It's been about 7 weeks for them since they started shutting everything down. New cases are lower in Korea now but we still see a surge here or there. Maybe it means in the 3 weeks' time we will be where China is and we can maybe attempt to recover our lives. Just hoping the school doesn't go bankrupt and leave us screwed before then. Then what, right? How would I even get back to the states? Too much riding on the what ifs right now...

COVID-19

March 9, 2020

...The week before Lunar New Year we heard of a flu-like virus that was hitting China and starting to spread rapidly. China that weekend decided to cancel all New Year's festivities and ask people to stay home to stop the disease from spreading. There had been travelers in and out of Korea to China and there was fear that it would spread here. I don't remember if we had any known cases in Korea at that time but the next week China started to lock down full cities demanding residents to stay in their homes. Their infected and death rate was growing rapidly.

Of course, due to travelers going back and forth, the virus did start to spread some in Korea. At the beginning of February we only had about 30 something cases and no deaths. I had asked the boss if we could start to request that the students wash their hands before every class. The numbers in Korea were going up. By the second week there were over 50 - then 80.... We had even started wearing masks in class to teach also asking students to wear them. In the course of a weekend the numbers doubled and someone in our area became infected. While things didn't shut down, there would be stories about businesses that had the KCDC come in to disinfect. The numbers seemed to double daily by the end of that weekend. We went into school Monday, February 23rd and literally 90% of our students didn't come. The next day we made the decision to close for the rest of the week at 70% pay and hope things were better by the next week. 

Yet still, the numbers were increasing fast. Panic and fear of a new virus was hitting Korea harder than the virus was. Schools everywhere were closing (most universities and private academies had been on winter vacation since the end of December). Public schools were pushing back their return from winter break.

So, the numbers reached the thousands because of some church cult that showed symptoms but refused testing and went around to large assemblies spreading it. Most confirmed cases are a result of that specific incident. But that also caused our school to decide to stay closed another week. The boss messaged us the 27th saying we couldn't work and due to parents asking for refunds for March (since they decided to keep their kids home for the month), we wouldn't be getting paid. There's still a lot of debate over what the actual legalities are about it but we couldn't afford not to get paid. 

We requested a meeting the next day to try to decide what other options we had, such as online classes. After a 4-5 hour brainstorming session we decided to try to recruit students for online classes and hope it was something to sustain us. 

March 2nd we started our thrown together attempts at classes via Skype and planning every class individually for each student. Honestly, I only ended up with three one on one classes but they proved to be a lot more work and energy than regular group classes. We were not told IF or how much pay we would receive (it's too soon to burn bridges when we need all the support we can get right now). I think we're all trying to stay semi-hopeful that we'll get at least half or maybe even the 70% like before. 

We are now going into our second week of online classes with no clear idea if this is sustainable or if/when schools well resume.....

Expat Life

It's been awhile since I felt the desire to write on a blog. I felt like there was no possible way to write about every experience and emotion I was having. 98% of them were good but it became overwhelming to think about writing about them all and I just wanted to relish in the moments that I was having. So many times I even thought, "there is no way that I will ever truly be able to articulate this moment and emotions into mere words."

Well, nearly 8 months have passed and a topic has found a way to inspire me. My contract for working here is nearing an end and the million dollar question is, do I go back home or do I sign on for another year? This is actually a much harder decision than the one to move away to a foreign land. I think very few people will ever understand this idea so I will try my best to convey it.

"When are you moving back?"

"We miss you."

"You've had an adventure and I see you miss things so you should come back now."

These are some of the most difficult things to hear as an expat. So many emotions can flow as a result. You start to question if you've really completed everything you really set out to do while abroad, you think about how relationships and friendships back home have changed since you left, and most importantly you think about how your financial situation and general independence will be affected when you do return.

As an expat, you will always miss something or someone from a life you were accustomed to. That is how life works - we relish in the good and comforting memories. Yes, we get homesick for mom's home-cooked meals, the holidays that are specific to our region, even the small things like having a clothes dryer or our trash disposal routine. But missing something doesn't mean you necessarily want to go back to it or should go back - at least not hastily. 

When I talked about moving abroad I remember how everyone was rooting for me to go and do great things. What have I done? I've managed to stay financially afloat, eat, work, and other mundane tasks just like I did back home. Yes, there are certain challenges that vary due to language differences, rules, or cultural differences - but at the end of the day, all I've managed to do is to tread water (in another country) which is basically what I have been doing since I moved out of my parents' house decades ago.

I think what people back home forget to process, is that there is an adjusting period that occurs when you move away, even if it is just to another state. You are learning the ins and outs of the new neighborhood/region. You are learning to rely on mostly yourself (something I'm all too familiar with already). You're focusing on moving forward because dwelling on what you left or what is in the past will only make the adventure a difficult and heartbreaking one. You can't make a lot of advancement until you've tackled that first.

I lost my biological mother to suicide nearly 17 years ago and when I mention it, people automatically feel sad for me. I can understand and appreciate the sentiment. It was one of the biggest challenges I had to deal with in my life. But I spent years learning not to be sad about missing her but instead, appreciating everything about her. That doesn't just mean the fun times, but really searching my emotions and learning to embrace even the hard things about her like her addictions and her mental disorders. I think without such in-depth and continued self-evaluation, I would never be able to handle this excursion or many others that I've endured.

The past few months it has bothered me that I don't really miss the majority of people. Before anyone gets offended or butt-hurt, it's not that I don't think of so many people more often than I express. I think, however, from moving around so many times in my life since I was young (military life), I learned to find a way to adjust. In this process, you realize everything will change whether you control it or not. Despite the things that we enjoyed about the past, there are also things we remember wishing that could be different. I learned that if I stay stuck in the "wishing things never changed" phase I would never be the person I am today and I would never be able to handle any changes that came my way. Change, although it can be terrifying, is necessary to grow and live a worthy life. 

So if I don't miss people I must be heartless and full of emptiness if I return the sentiment... at least this is what I've been telling myself until recently. But no, I am bursting with emotions for the people I know. Too much even at times. To me, missing someone usually means you never hear from that person anymore for whatever reason and that there will likely never be an ability to continue a relationship (either due to broken ties or death). So if I miss you, I know our relationship is over and will likely never see a new story. Otherwise, while I may not physically see others, I assume our story still continues even if there are miles or even years in between. If I miss the hanging out or talking, all I have to do is go visit or make a phone call. There is no valid excuse.

However, one thing that occurs when you move - whether it's to a new city or another country - is that it's inevitable that you may reevaluate the relationships you thought you had with people. People you thought were closest to you suddenly become distant or too busy for idle conversation. Yet people you may have hardly known will surprise you and become a friend you never realized you already had. You learn the difference between who merely thinks about you and who really makes an effort to show you. And yes, I too am guilty of this.

Holidays can be hardest when abroad. Families gather, traditional meals are consumed, good and bad memories - and you are missing out on it all. It's hard not to let these seemingly trivial things bring you down, but even for people who are usually strong it can be nearly crippling. Thanksgiving nearly busted me emotionally. Everyone wishing me a happy holiday that is not only NOT celebrated here, the food is nearly impossible to obtain. Everything you ever knew about a tradition you never truly realized you relied on is simply not important when you're living abroad. Something in this "limited access" is what tore me down. The idea that every other holiday I've ever known has been left or lost in translation of another culture. "You're here now, celebrate our holidays." Yea, I still managed to find groups to try to celebrate with but the difficulty levels in doing so can barely be worth the reward. It can lose the spirit if you're not careful.

Overall, hearing the continuous I miss you and when are you coming back comments are quite a nuisance. I still pay bills back home and worry about what my children are dealing with and other family and friends. But most of these same people barely make an effort to check in with me - this is not intended to make anyone feel guilty but simply to address that it is more an emotional drain and hurts my emotional state. These phrases make me feel guilty like I did something hurtful or selfish in moving. These same people who said "it's time for you to live your life" are the same ones wanting me to go back to the routine we once had. At times it feels like I'm being suffocated by an invisible source and the only way for it to stop is to let it take my last breath of air from me. I'm not sure if this is how all expats feel but I received similar comments after I moved from Colorado (still do after 11 years). 

Please, for the love of sanity, stop asking people to move back to what they left - whatever the reason. Let them choose when they want to or can. Support them on their journey and if you miss them, make efforts to see them or contact but not guilt them into coming back so you can occasionally see them. Think for a moment how selfish that sounds. I think about how many people wanted me to visit them when I came to Colorado for 3 days at a time versus all of the people who made time to actually visit me. Yes, our lives get busy but if you miss someone it's because you aren't making enough effort to keep the connection that you had. This last paragraph feels a tad salty and bitter and I apologize, but it is a minor rant 11 years in the making. 

Anyway, to address the elephant in the room...when am I coming home? The answer truly is that I'd like to stay at least another year and then see where I go from there. It's not official but it's the best decision for my financial situation and my desire to accomplish something I set out to do. I will know this month. Yes, I love all of you and would like to just chill and have good times but life is filled with difficult times also and I know that whether I am here or there, those are unavoidable. The difference here is that I'm nearly forced to think about what's best for me first and not what others want of me. Something I fail to do so often. So before asking the million dollar question or telling someone you miss them, take a moment to think of how those words are helping them or if they're making things harder. If you're unsure, maybe it's time to reach out for a chit chat. After all, keeping in contact is as easy as a 30 second text message these days. All hail the internet. 

Sincerely,

The inner workings of an expat life...

Jindo Sea parting Festival

March 25, 2019

Friday felt like such a long day. I really should've slept more. However, the kids were enjoying the new games, English Pong and Rock/Paper/Scissors Race, so I was happy. Overall the day went pretty well, even received some candies from the kids which I keep forgetting I have.

After work, I came straight home so that I could eat and pack since the tour bus was picking up a group of us at a nearby subway station. I was more concerned about making my way to the station since I seem to have a hit or miss ratio about using public transportation still. I left about and hour and a half before the pick up time in case I ran into any hiccups. If I did, I was just going to take a cab.

Made the stop about 40 minutes early dragging my heels. I was looking forward to sleeping on the bus since it was about a 4.5 hour drive to the southeast coast. I was sitting next to someone that made it really difficult to get comfortable but it wasn't intentional and he seemed like a pretty good guy. But trying to sleep on my hand or hug the right arm of the seat took a toll on my body.

We arrived in Jindo at 4:45am where we would get out water boots and torches so that we could walk out onto the land that became exposed as the tide moved out to sea. This apparently only happens once a year over the course of a few days. On a good low tide, there is enough land exposed that will allow you to walk to a neighboring island. Downfall is that it was still so cold and the tide just never really went down as low as the staff was hoping. We did walk out a short distance into the sea sporting our tiki torches in hand, water never really passing mid-high shin. It's the first sunrise I've seen in Korea and although we didn't get that far out, I got a few pretty good pictures. I felt like an angry villager with my torch and crowd following mentality that was on its way to do away with the neighborhood vampire/monster - at least that's how it appeared at first glance. LOL.

I met a few new people on this tour so definitely met the expectations that I had set out with. After we came back in from walking to the sea me and the people I met decided to grab something to eat and a coffee (mostly to warm up). The booths that were open were supposed to represent different countries around the world and while I appreciate the thought, they were very much unlike the foods from these places. Something that I know I just have to adapt to here. The other booths didn't open until 10am so we decided to go back to the bus to sleep since we couldn't check into our rooms until after 2pm.

Again, napping on the bus was a bit of a challenge as people kept getting on and off, with the door opening and closing allowing the cold air to come in. Plus some people decided it was ok to talk loudly while the majority of people tried to sleep. Finally, around 10am we decided to just give up trying to sleep and go check out all the booths. There were many booths with seaweeds and different types of seafoods, some alcoholic choices, some crafts/knick knacks, a lot of information booths (in Korean), and food. I had a caricature done which was funny considering the last time I had one done was when I visited last time.

Then it was time to watch the variety show that they had arranged. There was a group of Russian dancers performing different types of dances, acrobats, a magician, and some hip hop dancers. At the end of the show they asked for foreign volunteers to come on stage for a makkoeli drinking contest. All of the local town people just sat back watching "the foreigners" perform tasks for their entertainment. At times it was entertaining to watch but sometimes it makes me feel that foreigners will get a bad rap because of the drunken/party-like lifestyle that they see, so other times I was embarrassed to not be one of the locals. This was followed up by a talent show put on by the foreigners - most of which were pretty drunk at this time. I wish I had practiced a hula to perform for this since the locals were so easily wowed at everything the foreigners did.

Finally, it was time to check in. We grabbed a quick bite to eat and then grabbed our belongings. We were staying in a hostel - Korean style which means the room had nothing but quilted mats, blankets, and some bean pillows. Luckily, I got my own room so I used all of the extra mats and comforters and stacked them together. The floor was still a pretty harsh place to sleep for my aging body. But the solitude and not being stuck with some drunken roommate was still worth it.

The next events that were scheduled was the Korean wrestling. They had professionals wrestle first and then invited the foreigners to spar against each other. In was held on a large round patch of sand and they had a cloth wrapped around their waste and leg in which they had to grip. This helped to aid the wrestlers to pin the other. I had been looking forward to the color fest party where we would get to throw colored powders on each other. It was a little non-climactic though because there were too many people who were drunken and decided to start early. Then others joined. No one really waited for the actual "go ahead" signal. And then these people were just throwing their empty bags onto the sand. If it were my city, I probably would've been quite annoyed with the "foreigners".

They did entertain us with a few songs performed by a female kpop group (don't ask me the name though). There were so many times this weekend that I felt like a caged

wrestling
color fest
jesus parade/flash mob
dancing
2nd sea walk
food
sleep
breakfast,
to see the Jindo puppies
race/bet
dog tricks/show
lady for volunteering
sleep
cell phone out of data
navigate systems without a phone
made it home
very tired

.....I never posted this and I'm going to leave it unfinished as so much has changed in the last 9 months....

Constructive Feedback

March 21

So, Wednesday my boss surprised me and came in to observe one of my classes - NOT the class she said she would. Ugh! I was trying out a new game in this class today though so I was feeling ok. This class speaks pretty good English and I was feeling semi confident about it. This class was also giving memorized speeches today and even they were really weirded out that the boss was there.

So time came to play the game.  It's rock paper scissors race. There are vocab words on the wall and two teams will start at each side saying them until they meet at the same word and then they do rock paper scissors. The winner keeps advancing towards the other side like chess. The goal is to reach the other side for a point.

The kids played the game, even enjoyed it, although one kept hitting the wall as he said the words. I was thinking to myself, "she should think this is good". She gave me feedback after the class saying that the game was good but not advanced enough for these students' level - which I understand,  but neither is playing Uno which we do. Again, I was feeling a little defeated. I wished she had come into one of the other classes that day.

Then, she came into the class with the two students also!!! Good news is that this class only has one book and their level is way lower. So I taught them a game I call English pong which is pretty similar to beer pong lol - just no drinking. This class I received good feedback on. She said the energy was up, the kids were exited and engaged, and the right level for their understanding. So I was finally feeling better. Good news is my student hasn't dropped my class yet and will come back again.

But I definitely needed a drink with K after this week. I kept repeating inspirational quotes to myself about how everything is a learning lesson and not to give up or get too discouraged. Maybe it worked. I'll be going to Jindo on a tour group tomorrow (Friday night after work). Hopefully, it's a blast and I meet lots of new people.

One of those days...

March 19

So apparently I need to stop staying out so late. K and I were out late again playing darts. The downfall to that is that I don't get a good night's sleep and it makes it hard to want to wake up the next morning. But our day starts so late and ends late that is nice to have some play/fun time also during the week.

Then at school I must've made 4 different kids cry. Two because they didn't win a game, one because her mom forgot to give her the correct book, and another because goodness even knows the reason. I've never made so many kids cry in my life in such a short time. And the kids that aren't crying are simply getting out of control.  Some try jumping on the furniture, running wildly during games, even hitting/kicking the walls. When I try to correct them they act like they either don't understand or that can't hear me. These are the days when I start thinking about an adult beverage after work. I'm used to being able to manage kids pretty well so this is a little aggravating to me and some days I feel like a failure.

It didn't help that after my classes today I was pulled aside to be asked about one of my students. I guess he was saying my class wasn't fun and he wanted to quit my class. This is kind of a big deal as that's money to the school. The sad thing is that it's one of the kids I really like too. Unfortunately, there is one kid in this class that gives me the hardest time of all my students. She always pretends like she doesn't understand and never pays attention. Sometimes, class time is wasted by her so if things aren't fun I tend to point fingers. This girl also gave the previous teacher the same challenges. Not sure why she keeps coming if she really hates being there so badly.

Anyway, since I received feedback to make classes more fun, I decided I would go home and research new games to teach my students but first, food. K and I grabbed dinner together at Mom's Touch but I still couldn't help but think how frustrated I was. I don't like making easy mistakes. My boss was going to come in and observe my class with the 2 students so I needed to fix my style. As much as I wanted to cry and question what the heck I'm doing, I knew better - that I couldn't let it get to me and that I had to find a new way of thinking.

I was online from about 10pm-2am looking up ESL and kids' teaching games. I came up with a few that I will try out tomorrow. So I will be getting up early to go to my money pit,  Daiso, so I can prep some new games. Wish me luck.

The Things Kids Say....

March 17, 2019

Happy St. Patrick's Day LOL...

Friday I feel like I lost a little bit of control over the kids all day...plus it was raining and we had a moment where it sounded as if something exploded but was only lightning. The only thing that I feel was worthy of discussing about school was something that one of my students wrote. The books are written obviously by a non-native English speaker based on the grammar issues and story lines. One story is about a kid with bad habits who burps and farts everywhere. So, naturally, this book chooses vocabulary words like burp and fart... around middle school aged children... genius plan.

So this particular class is supposed to write their own sentences with their vocab words for homework. One girl had a very colorful sentence and I had to do my best not to react or attract the attention of the other kids. It read, "The burp smells like shit." Not sure where she heard this or if she found her English sentences on the internet but I had to correct her without it being embarrassing or being a joke. So I walked around next to her, crossed out the bad words and told her we don't use words like this because they aren't nice, and then proceeded to rewrite the sentence to "The burp smells bad." I'm not even prepared for the stuff I'm going to see over this year.

I was in dire need of time out though. I went to a shabu shabu place with 2 coworkers (like a hot soup place that you add the ingredients to in a boiling broth). It was going to help my sickness. You know I've come a long way when they wanted the mushroom add-ins and I said that's fine I just won't eat those. They literally brought over a bouquet of various mushrooms, many of which I'd never seen before. One looked like a little furry animal while others appeared to be like sea anemones. Not gonna lie, it was a big test for me.

We dropped the beef, some noodles and veggies, and then the fungus into the pot. We had regular and spicy broth of which I enjoyed the spicy best. Basically you can eat it as a soup or you can make a little "eggroll" out of the rice paper wraps they provided. I had beef, veggies, and pineapple and was perfectly content. The mushrooms didn't even phase me and a few times I considered - very briefly - tasting one or two but never got that far. Haha if some of my exes could see me now they'd think that my past behavior towards mushrooms was all a rouse. I've gone as far as driving them to the store to get toothpaste and a brush plus gum or mints after they ate them because I refused to kiss them after they ate mushrooms.

Afterwards, my neighbor/coworker and I wanted ice cream (again) but this time Baskin Robbins. I had a waffle cone with a scoop of mint chocolate chip and one scoop of popping popping banana strawberry chocolate (which is now my new favorite flavor) while the rain stopped. It had pop rocks in it and tasted like an amazing banana split sundae without all of the work. We had decided earlier to go to the bar later since it was everyone else's payday and I had survived another week. Came home to rest a few and make myself a tad more presentable.

It was a good time just sitting and talking with my coworker (we'll call her K since I believe I'll spend more time with her than anyone else). Two other teachers from another school showed up so we decided to team up for a round of darts. I finally ended up hitting bulls eye 3 times that night and even ended up winning both a team game and a solo game. Super exciting. There is a Korean gentleman that we are all acquainted with (speaks little English) but we invited him to play after one of the teachers left. K said she's never seen him so friendly and involved. He's been really shy the few times that I have seen him. But he is an artist also like our Canadian friend, V-dog (LOL - I don't feel it's polite to use their real names so I am creating nicknames for them for their anonymity).

The bar was closing at 3am so K, the Korean guy, and I decided to waste an hour with some beers at the norebang (karaoke room). It was a good and interesting experience. I am glad that I can have fun in the most unusual of settings and it seems that K is a lot like that also. She does her own thing and enjoys herself without being the girl that is the overly flirtatious or drunk girl and I really enjoy that about her. She is very comfortable and unfiltered and it's refreshing.

Saturday I decided I was going to meet up with one of the Koreans I had been speaking to for over a year on a language exchange program. He came to my city this time and we awkwardly stumbled over some language barriers for about 6 hours over coffee and then some more over beer and chicken for lunch. He wants to improve his listening and speaking skills so he can move to the states to work on his business there. I guess many Koreans have concerns about their economic situations and capabilities here for various reasons and our country always seems promising for foreigners. Of course, every single one of them will mention that they are afraid of the danger of guns there. So, if you wonder what other countries think, it's usually that we're a golden land of opportunities with gun slinging gangs everywhere - is that really so far from the truth though??

Got in and did laundry and decided to sleep early since I have been sick. This weekend I've been feeling a little more in an unfamiliar place than I have to date - both in terms of my living conditions and emotionally. No need to delve into that really because it is minor and luckily sleeping will resolve it. I did read one page on my golden book that I had friends write me letters in. Finished up a small round of grocery getting - and excited to try some of my overpriced Australian ground beef in some homemade tacos tomorrow. I brought taco seasoning with me but please feel free to supply me with more... the majority of the weekend has been chill and just talking on the phone to friends and family. One of my closest friends has booked her flight to come visit me in May so I am excited about that.

I guess as things become more "commonplace" around me it feels like there's less surprising things to discuss, but the good news is that I'm surviving and not going crazy as of yet. I do miss out on news around the globe unless people I know are talking about it. There was a plane crash and a mosque shooting I barely got wind of through coworkers. This is both good and bad to not have a connection to world news but I will muster on. I hope to have some great stories next weekend since I am spending the whole weekend in another city at the Jindo Sea Parting Festival. There will be colored powders thrown, music, togas, food, etc. Wish me luck.

Jewels